And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
this will be a night to untag.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
