You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
