woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
its liver damage thursday
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
