The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize