haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
