Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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