Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
