Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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