I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
