OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
