let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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