my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
