love makes seman taste better
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
