Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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