I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
