apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
