so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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