Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize