I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
