I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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