i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
