Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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