I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
