Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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