is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
