I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize