There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
