I am spending my child support on dildos
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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