Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
