we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
