saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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