I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize