im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
