My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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