Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
