got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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