moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
