You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did I show you my penis last night?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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