I wannas sexs uuuuu
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
