Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
