You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
