oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
