If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
