Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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