i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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