ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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