this boner is exhausting
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
