ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
barbara walters just said penis...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
