Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
