You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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