there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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