Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
