listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
