They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
