Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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