You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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