have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize