I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
