I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
