paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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