I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
