I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
