I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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