i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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