but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
