By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
