Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
