dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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