I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
