guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
