things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize