in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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