I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
