My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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