But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
