yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
