apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
