last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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