Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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