it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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