no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
