This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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