he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Houston, we have a squirter
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize