READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
