Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
