he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
