And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
