the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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