Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
