We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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