Michael Bay diarrhea
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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