He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
