You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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