He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
