I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I love you. Go after that dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
