haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
