Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
