That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
