hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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