Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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