We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
