random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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