I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
