A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
