i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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